Bit by Bit


“Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
you formed me in my mother’s womb. Continue reading

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While I’m Waiting


I thought I already have Jose Luis and Isabel in my womb but I was wrong. My menstruation came and I am in pain. For now, it is not just the physical dimension that makes me tired but it is the intense longing for the my twins that leaves me exhausted.

Father, there are times when I could not understand why those who are not planning to have babies end up having babies. Some babies even end up killed through senseless abortions. My heart breaks whenever I hear another case of teenage pregnancy. My soul bleeds whenever I hear babies are unwanted.

In the midst of my deep longings and mounting anxieties,  I choose to be still. Continue reading

Intense Longing


A woman's life can really be a succession of lives, each revolving around some emotionally compelling situation or challenge, and each marked off by some intense experience. ~Wallis Simpson

My husband and I have been married for four years now. Our closest friends know that we have been praying for twins. We were told more than a thousand times that it would be crazy to raise twins. But we were not discouraged. In fact, we already have names for them: Jose Luis and Isabel. Instead of being called Daddy and Mommy, Paul and I would want to be called Nanay and Tatay, in celebration of our Filipino roots.

It was only in the past few months that the desire to be a mother has become so intense to be ignored. I feel there’s something brewing inside of me, a feeling that I cannot fully comprehend. It seems that every inch of me is aching for motherhood. Continue reading