My husband and I have been married for four years now. Our closest friends know that we have been praying for twins. We were told more than a thousand times that it would be crazy to raise twins. But we were not discouraged. In fact, we already have names for them: Jose Luis and Isabel. Instead of being called Daddy and Mommy, Paul and I would want to be called Nanay and Tatay, in celebration of our Filipino roots.
It was only in the past few months that the desire to be a mother has become so intense to be ignored. I feel there’s something brewing inside of me, a feeling that I cannot fully comprehend. It seems that every inch of me is aching for motherhood.
With raging hormones at 38, I wonder how would it be like—
- to be pregnant?
- to get a 4D ultrasound?
- to go through months of carrying life in my womb?
- to give birth to twins?
- to finally see the face of Jose Luis?
- to finally see the face of Isabel?
- to cuddle them in my arms?
- to see them being cuddled by my dear husband?
- to see them being cuddled by Mama Nanie, Lola Pet and Mommy Emelyn?
- to see them being loved by the people around us?
- to see them smile?
- to hear them talk?
- to watch them walk?
- to teach them how to read, write and think?
- to help them grow?
- to hear them ask about their Lolo Jose and Lolo Luis?
- to teach them God’s Word and watch them walk in God’s ways?
- to guide them in making decisions and let them make decisions?
- to help them grow roots and help them spread their wings?
- to let them go and let them be?
There is so much to look forward to, so much to hope for. I pray that I get to bear the challenges of becoming and being a mother, a nurturer that I am meant to be. I pray that I would have the courage to embrace the calling and the serenity to fulfill the purpose that God has for me. I pray that I would be the Nanay that He called me to be.
I do not know when the kids are coming. I do not know if it would be this year or when. What I know is that God’s plans for me are to prosper me and not to harm me, to give me a future and a hope. I hold on to God’s promises believing that He is able to do exceedingly, abundantly- far above I could ever ask or imagine.
How about you, what are you longing for?