Intense Longing

A woman's life can really be a succession of lives, each revolving around some emotionally compelling situation or challenge, and each marked off by some intense experience. ~Wallis Simpson

My husband and I have been married for four years now. Our closest friends know that we have been praying for twins. We were told more than a thousand times that it would be crazy to raise twins. But we were not discouraged. In fact, we already have names for them: Jose Luis and Isabel. Instead of being called Daddy and Mommy, Paul and I would want to be called Nanay and Tatay, in celebration of our Filipino roots.

It was only in the past few months that the desire to be a mother has become so intense to be ignored. I feel there’s something brewing inside of me, a feeling that I cannot fully comprehend. It seems that every inch of me is aching for motherhood.

With raging hormones at 38, I wonder how would it be like—

  1. to be pregnant?
  2. to get a 4D ultrasound?
  3. to go through months of carrying life in my womb?
  4. to give birth to twins?
  5. to finally see the face of Jose Luis?
  6. to finally see the face of Isabel?
  7. to cuddle them in my arms?
  8. to see them being cuddled by my dear husband?
  9. to see them being cuddled by Mama Nanie, Lola Pet and Mommy Emelyn?
  10. to see them being loved by the people around us?
  11. to see them smile?
  12. to hear them talk?
  13. to watch them walk?
  14. to teach them how to read, write and think?
  15. to help them grow?
  16. to hear them ask about their Lolo Jose and Lolo Luis?
  17. to teach them God’s Word and watch them walk in God’s ways?
  18. to guide them in making decisions and let them make decisions?
  19. to help them grow roots and help them spread their wings?
  20. to let them go and let them be?

An intense anticipation itself transforms possibility into reality; our desires being often but precursors of the things which we are capable of performing. ~Samuel Smiles

There is so much to look forward to, so much to hope for. I pray that I get to bear the challenges of becoming and being a mother, a nurturer that I am meant to be. I pray that I would have the courage to embrace the calling  and the serenity to fulfill the purpose that God has for me. I pray that I would be the Nanay that He called me to be.

I do not know when the kids are coming. I do not know if it would be this year or when. What I know is that God’s plans for me are to prosper me and not to harm me, to give me  a future and a hope. I hold on to God’s promises believing that He is able to do exceedingly,  abundantly-  far above I could ever ask or imagine.

How about you, what are you longing for?

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5 thoughts on “Intense Longing

  1. Mj says:

    In God’s time Madam, you will. I’ll keep on praying. Love Life!

  2. So sweet of you, Mj! Thank you so much for praying with me! Yes, love life!

  3. Sharon says:

    God listens to our prayers, sis. I pray that He will grant your heart’s desire! Thanks for praying for us too. We love youuuuuuuuuu

    I think you’ll have the most-loved, most fun kids on the block Pramissssssss 🙂

  4. Pastilan says:

    I long for… hmmmnnn…

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